You Don’t Want My Shoes

Posted December 29, 2017 by love2dazzle in Features, Random Thoughts / 0 Comments

by Ali Kiki

You know when people say that you should walk a mile in their shoes so you would understand how they feel or what it is like to be them? You don’t want my shoes.

2017 has been a rough year for me.

I lost my a job without there being any reason for me losing my job. I struggled to find a new position and felt defeated with every interview and job decline. When I was finally offered a job, I had to take a paycut. Which kind of sucked but I made it work. In the end I got blessed with a really good team. I am thankful for my manager because she does a really good job at being a manager.

I lost a best friend. I cried many nights and still do. But I also gained a new one. I couldn’t ask for a better person to join my life. I count on you more than you will ever know.

I moved to a new city and I feel more lost than ever. Welcome to the big city right? The nice thing is that it doesn’t take 1-3 hours to get to work everyday.

My mom has had a few medical scares. I was always waiting for that dreaded phone call that something was going to be really bad and that the world wasn’t going to be okay anymore.

My grandpa was given a life threatening medical condition.

I was left out of many family things. Trust me this hurts. Makes you feel forgotten.

My brother had more seizures.

My sister eloped.

Tell me again…You want to walk in my shoes? No one wants to walk in my shoes. The last thing I would do is even hand them over. Why would I want someone else to feel the pain, the worry, the sadness, and stress of what I feel. People assume that everything is good or I should be happy. Well I am the one you call and cry too. I am the one you tell your secrets too. I am the one that carries everyone’s burdens but then who is there to carry mine?

You don’t want to walk in my shoes because then you would feel sad. You would feel like all you do is disappoint others. You would feel like you can’t do anything right.

Why would I want someone to walk in my shoes?

This doesn’t even tell half my year. These are just the things that I can pick out of my brain in the last two mins that I have been writing this. Thought I was going to give you some profound message….sorry you are looking at the wrong person. No one listens to me so why would I bother.

Last time I checked, my opinion and feelings didn’t matter. I just needed to be here to be the dumping ground or the punching bag. Being the oldest sometimes I feel like that is all I am good for.

You Don’t Want My Shoes.

They are Worn and Broken.

The Smell is Unbearable.

Color is Faded and Cracked.

They’ve Seen Many Adventures.

May be ugly on the outside.

They are Still Mine.

You Don’t Want My Shoes.

About Ali Kiki

Ali Kiki is a reader, writer, reviewer, blogger, and photographer in Portland, OR. An avid reader since childhood, you can usually find her devouring a book or stalking the bookstagram hashtag in her lovely apartment surrounded by books. Ali has been blogging since 2006 and she created Dazzled by Books in 2012. Her most recent adventure is making bookish candles for Stub Tail Candle Co., which are sold on Etsy.

About love2dazzle

Ali Kiki is a reader, writer, reviewer, blogger, and photographer in Portland, OR. An avid reader since childhood, you can usually find her devouring a book or stalking the bookstagram hashtag in her lovely apartment surrounded by books. Ali has been blogging since 2006 and she created Dazzled by Books in 2012. Her most recent adventure is making bookish candles for Stub Tail Candle Co., which are sold on Etsy.

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